To say this week has been one of the worst weeks of 2017 is both vastly overdramatic and kind of an understatement, such is the charm of a life lived in extremes. Overdramatic because the state in which I find myself IS temporary, it’s really not the end of the world, it’s not something that will last forever and I’ve no doubt it’s something that will seem quite inconsequential, trivial even once I’ve come out the thick of it and find myself on the other side. My situation will undoubtedly change at some point, could be sooner, could be later but change will come. I’m definitely not the first person for this to happen to and I won’t be the last.
An understatement because in many ways, cliché as it can be, I could see this as ‘my moment’, my moment to seize the day, my moment to focus on what I really want out of life and my moment to surrender all control, actually scratch that let’s make it take COMPLETE control, and just ‘see what happens’. It’s the crossroads at which I find myself, do I just go for it? Harness all my energy and make things happen the way I want them to or do I revert back to where is comfortable, where it’s safe, and take things slower and more manageable rather than full steam ahead.
The fact that this possibly life changing event has also fallen within the same week as the winter solstice (which you can read more about the relevance of over on my sisters blog) is something I’m wholeheartedly taking as a sign, whatever helps you through right?
‘WE CAN USE THE DARKNESS TO CREATE THE SPACE WITHIN OURSELVES TO VISUALISE WHAT IS TO COME, WHAT WE WANT TO GROW IN THE GARDEN OF OUR LIVES’
I’m not quite ready, or even sure how, to articulate what exactly has gone on this week, but I did want to articulate the feelings which have arisen from it and focus that to form part of my ‘Self Portrait’ series. This is something I started a couple of weeks ago and something I really want to keep up in 2018, especially for documenting things like this, changes in my life and a scrapbook of how it all looked, how I looked. (cc Lizzy and her fab Capturing a Mood series which I must reference as further inspo for this series, along with work from the babes Chloe Plumstead and Emma Hoareau for continually inspiring me with their real images of women). NB. I’ve bolded the word images as every woman is real, no matter the shape, size or lifestyle, it’s the image that isn’t always real, sorry just had to put that in there as the term ‘real women’ is a real pet hate of mine.
Angry, upset, exposed, vulnerable, scared, opportunistic, positive, apprehensive…these are the feelings that have narrated this week, in that order! Hopefully one day I can go into more detail about my experiences this week and possibly aid some of you in yours but for now, I’m ready to wrap it all up in the deluge of life lessons that 2017 has thrown at me and head into 2018 with a clearer head, clearer path and much clearer focus than I’ve had in a long time.